and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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