dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
