Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
