i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
