i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
