just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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