Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
