Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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