In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
