Walk of Shame. In a state park.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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