I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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