I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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