i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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