I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
