it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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