Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
