i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I didn't notice because vodka
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
