Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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