just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
