just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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