Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
