maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
