Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
