u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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