I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
