You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
time to smoke my breakfast
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
