i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
