Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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