yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
