just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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