Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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