remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
