So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
