i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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