I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
