I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
