Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
