Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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