it was like his penis was on wheels.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
