Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
