I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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