so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
