its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
