What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
