She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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