My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
