my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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