I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
