Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
