1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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