i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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