either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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