I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
