So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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